So, a friend of mine had a baby some years ago. When ever I would go over to visit, or we met up at a function, the baby was always sleeping. I wanted to see those beautiful eyes and that cute pink gummy smile so bad, so what did Jaar do? After constant warning of don’t wake that baby, Jaar Excitedly woke that baby. Waaaaaaa waaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaa, the baby screamed like if I pinched it or something. Here comes my friend stressed out holding her head,” Jaaaaaar what did you do, I told you not to wake the baby, her nap time isn’t over yet, she was not ready to wake up.” oooops sorry I didn’t know babies took their sleep that seriously.
My Dilemma
So this is the dilemma I feel like I’m facing now. Not a literal nap time since Mayah does not take naps anymore, but in a figurative way, I feel like others are pinching my baby to wake up when she needs a lil more sleep not to get up soo cranky. This is the biggest challenge I have had to face so far. Mayah is now 5 and according to the law I need to pinch my sleeping baby to wake her up before she is ready and send her out into this world unprepared. OK OK I know I can be a bit dramatic but its just how I feel inside, that deep gut feeling that she isn’t ready to be integrated into society as yet. My overprotective motherly instincts want to keep her at home for at least 2 years more.
The Kindergarten Experiment
I did the kindergarten experiment to see what the school system had to offer and I wasn’t convinced that Mayah would survive without someone dedicated to making sure she was ok every second she was away from me. Her teacher really is trying and I more than commend her for that, but not having any experience with a special needs child makes it impossible for me to leave her at school. The teacher is always afraid Mayah will hurt herself at school. Mayah has so much energy pent up inside its almost impossible to keep her sitting down for more than 5 minutes. Most of the school day is spent chasing her around the classroom, fetching her from the other classes she wonders off to, and pealing her from off the ground kicking and screaming. It pains my heart watching her go through this process of what others think will make her more normal and able to function in future society. The school year is almost finished, so for now I will continue to try this kindergarten experiment hoping she will adjust to a formal setting.
What is Best?
I want to leave her at school I really do, I need a break to breath and not have to worry about what mischief Mayah is up to when she is actually quiet. I want to be able to get my nails or hair done, while Mayah is at school, I want to cook my husband a full course meal, I want to bake a cake, I want to do something that makes me feel human again, but the reality of my life is I’m dedicated and hyper focused on Mayah every single second of the day. When I blink my eye, she is running into the road. When I turn away for a second, she is upstairs on the veranda trying to climb over the rails. She doesn’t understand danger yet and she thinks it’s a joke to run away into moving traffic. When ever I’m out with Mayah, at a restaurant or a friend’s house, I NEVER sit down, everyone keeps offering me a seat but I can’t sit down. I think my behind has a button that signals Mayah to try something crazy if I sit down. Mayah has this genius brain that takes in the environment she is in and plans how she wants to accomplish a task. This is such an awesome talent if she would start using it for anything other than mischief.
Everyone Has A Good Suggestion
I started this blog about a week ago super stressed about the decision to send Mayah to school. My mind has been up and down like a seesaw trying to decide my options. I have asked the opinion of friends and professionals on what they think is the best solution. Some say oh don’t worry she will get over it and be ok in school. Others say she would benefit from a special education school and some say they would homeschool if they could. I love getting opinions and doing deep research into pros and cons of my situation. Some people don’t like to give their opinion but I get the feeling that they hint it to me through stating the facts. So after weeks of crying and stressing about it, I’ve decided on the best path for my family. I’ve learned from the past not to wake a sleeping baby before nap time is over. We will homeschool until further notice. So, for now I am gathering all my educational resources and preparing to apply for homeschool. This will be a new journey that I’m excited to depart on, so stay tuned for Mayah’s ride on the homeschool bus.