The Day I Crashed & Discovered My Little Rock!
Hello Diary, this is the week of June 14th 2021, I am on top of the world. Life despite the ups and downs looks great, distinction on my Global Marketing module, high-fliers scored for Eneja and Ej with 96% and 98% grades, hubby doing wonders at his new job, and over the last week I made a wee bit of progress with Eric on some motor skills and writing, and he clearly verbalized “All Done”. I know this week will be even more awesome.
Wake up and smell the coffee!
Faith and reality were definitely at war as I tried to be optimistic as the new week commenced. This proved by far to be the most challenging week and by its culmination I would have had my first thundering crash. Eric was struggling and thus for the majority of the time was truly not in the best of moods and when he was not in a bad mood he was in mischief mode. On a daily basis the reports were … Mom, Eric spilled all the dish washing soap…Mom, Eric spilled all the orange juice….Mom, Eric emptied all the downy on my bed. Eric loves to throw liquids or soapy material on the floor and then does some fun slip and slide maneuvers which he finds not only entertaining but hilarious. And then came the climax….Mom, Eric broke the baby sitter’s phone.
Tired – an absolute understatement!
In addition, his sleep pattern was way off. One of our autism moms likes to describe her son’s sleep issues as he was partying. In this instance this was an all-out fete, as Eric was not satisfied unless every single light in our home was turned on, numerous trips to the bathroom for absolutely no reason maybe other than an excuse to strip, constantly peeking into the fridge, and of course there is no fete without nursery rhymes being said over and over. We went to bed tired, we woke up tired, the babysitter was tired and Eric was rejuvenated!
Crash Day!
It’s Saturday; I am still tired, a tad bit emotionally exhausted as hubby and I had a little spat the evening before…I swear sometimes we quarrel just so we can make up with each other ☺. Nevertheless I am looking forward to the day. I started early in the kitchen, made breakfast without a hitch, managed a minor meltdown and did some laundry. I started prepping for lunch, but then came a major meltdown with loads of aggression. Tried some calming strategies of massages and with no success, I had to restrain to minimize his self harm.
One hour later with some brand new scratches on my arms and Eric re-energized, his mischief mode kicks in. Trying to knead roti (a flat bread similar to tortillas) which should take about 10 minutes takes me two hours as Eric is on a full rampage. I’m cleaning up spill after spill, …his sister’s cup of soda which was perched high on the top of the cupboard was no challenge for him as with lightning speed he climbed and turned it over. I wanted to scream as I saw it flowing down to the microwave and electric oven.
Breaking Point
Halfway through my cleaning those appliances, he empties the laundry basket in the laundry room and climbs atop to stretch and reach the laundry soap tucked to the furthest end of the shelf, which of course he spills. Then to the water cooler he goes with his favorite cup and instead of drinking – yes he dumps it and starts to slide and squeal with delight. Another clean up, and I can feel that I am nearing my breaking point. I thought of calling hubby who was out in Placencia tirelessly working, but I did not want to worry him. What about a fellow autism mom or a family member, but did not want to burden anyone.
I hunkered down and my remedy – TV – alphablocks while I continued with the roti? It seemed to be working. Ever so often, he meanders by and peeks over our kitchen island and eyes one of his favorites, roti. He is doing great and I am making progress.
It has been 15 minutes of no interruptions and he suddenly appears again gleefully dripping in oil from head to toe. I lost it, I was mad at him and me; when did he sneak off with the cooking oil, why did I not realize he had sneaked off with it. I shouted at him and he took off running to the living room and I stood there in the kitchen and the tears just broke through as I sobbed softly, feeling extremely emotional.
I ventured into the living room to commence cleaning up, looking for that spilled oil. Instead of my eyes finding it, my feet did as I felt my legs catapult into the air. As I tried to break my fall, my head slammed into the edge of a mahogany table as not only my body crashed to the floor but every pent up emotion as well. As I landed, for a brief second I was numb until the searing pain coursed through my head, neck, back and thighs. As I curled into a ball and bawled like a baby, I heard the running footsteps of Ej approaching.
My Little Rock
Ej, my second born child has the ability in split seconds to send you crazy, then charm you in the next instant. He speaks his mind, loves attention, loves the solar system and struggles with understanding autism and openly expresses his wish that his brother was not autistic. Despite him driving his sister crazy he is always the first to object to her being disciplined and is a strong advocate for her and things she desires like that computer game she has been asking for constantly. In other words he is a sweetheart.
He runs to me and gives me the biggest hugs and expressions of comfort.
Mom, are you hurt, mom, can you get up, it’s ok, don’t cry (even though I see the tears swelling in his eyes).
I grab my little rock tightly and as I tried to regain my composure I told him,
“yes, hon, you are right it’s ok.”
He senses that this is beyond a physical crash and he says,
“Mom, you are doing great, I love you Mom, let’s go sit together and watch your favorite TV show.”
My baby boy was such a comfort in that time of need, I am eternally grateful he was there for me in that moment.
As we laid together on the floor hugging each other tightly, we heard a loud squeal as Eric came running and jumped on us with such delight. Guess he thought he finally had company to slide and maneuver within one of his spills.
A New Day
I know life is ever changing; some days will seem impossible to get through and there will be ups and downs like a roller coaster in this autism journey. However, my encounter with my little rock renewed my day and my perspective. The light in your life will always outweigh the dark moments. We are not alone and most importantly it is okay to ask for help. In trying to protect our babies and ourselves we tend to exclude sometimes those who yearn to help but just don’t know how to approach and offer help. In retrospect I realized too that sometimes pride, fear of rejection and shame prevent us from reaching out, but we must and we should for our sakes and for our family’s sake.
Hun my dear sister it is tough but as our Dad always said when the tough gets going the going gets tough. He meant we tough it out we overcome. Mom would say God would not give mire than we can bear. He is our strength in time of need and it’s ok not to be ok. I can’t begin to imagine what it is like to be in your shoes. But whenever you need to reach out I am a call away. Thanks for sharing and your writing skills shine through amazingly. You are an encouragement to others. Don’t give up. I love you.
She is absolutely an encouragement to others! I just wish she knows that just like how she checks up and helps us special needs moms out – she can also reach out too. Don’t hesitate. We are here to support each other.