My son’s school, Horizon Academy, has a yearly project that takes place in February called Adopt-A-Family. Each class ‘adopts’ a family who needs a little extra love. They kicked off this project this week and I couldn’t help thinking about how we all make our own little families to help us along the way.
Shadow Turned Sister
As shocking as this might seem, I tend to love my privacy and enjoy spending time alone. This is why I have always resisted the idea of having someone live with me to help with Teo. When COVID-19 hit Belize, though, I really had to think hard about changing my position. I worried about having someone else in my home 24/7 but I recognized I needed to do this. Looking back, I honestly don’t think I could have survived the lock-down and the at-home learning school program, if Teo’s Shadow, Jen, hadn’t moved in with us.
Until that point, his Shadow was there to help him at school and with school work in the afternoon. Soon though, Teo’s Shadow wasn’t just a shadow – but his big sister. (She actually calls him ‘my breda’. ) They goof off together. They’ve had slumber parties and movie nights. Soon, she was going off on the weekend with her family for a bbq or a day at the river and Teo was going along too. “Of course, ‘my breda’ have to go, “ she’d say.
Growing Exponentially
She became a part of our family. My nephews would go buy ice cream and bring back for Teo and Jen. There was no question she would come along on our weekend family trips too. This went two ways too. Soon, Teo became a part of her family. He is automatically included on their outings. Jen’s brother would come pick up Teo to go for a car ride- because Teo loves car rides and he missed Teo. Her nephew and niece come over to swim and there would be a genuine battle for Jen’s attention. Just like how Jen’s sisters and aunts battle to see who Teo loves the most. Teo relishes all the attention!
We aren’t the only ones who have this story, though. More than one Special Needs Family have told me similar stories of how their nanny/babysitter moved in over COVID. They are all happy to report that now it’s like their family extended too.
Family is not about blood. It’s about who is willing to hold your hand when you need it the most.
My family didn’t just grow when Jen moved in with us. Over the past 11 months, our Autism Belize Parent’s Group has become a tight knit family too. In the past couple weeks, for example, one parent shared a note from her child’s teacher. The teacher wrote a couple lines basically saying Good Job and encouraging this mom to continue doing what she was doing.
To a parent with a neurotypical kid, this might be nice. But to a mom who has been attending workshop after workshop to learn to work with her child; who recognizes where he is falling behind developmentally and works hard to make sure he catches up; this note is AMAZING! This mom, I know, has worked so hard, and sacrificed so much to help her child. She saved for months just to be able to pay for ONE appointment with a specialist.
So you know what she does? She immediately shares this note with our Autism Belize group. Why? Because we get how amazing that note is: The sense of encouragement and recognition that our efforts are helping and the pride we feel to know our kid is advancing, no matter how small of an advancement that might be. She shared that with the family who she knew would be able to support her the most and celebrate with her.
Another Example
Another parent recently shared about how hard things have been since January. Her son has been struggling with feeding issues and sleep and having meltdowns (NOT Tantrums) as he just can’t cope. She messages us to share what she openly says she can’t share with her closest family members. Why? Well, she feels like they just don’t understand. She worries about the judgement she might get.
Our Parents Group is not even a year old, but we’ve already formed a pretty tight bond. We listen to each other. We support each other. We celebrate together. We cry together. We’ve become a family – one I know will keep growing.
So Grateful
So this February, I’m not gonna focus on all the Valentine’s Hoopla. I’m just going to be very grateful for my family – the ones I share DNA with and the ones that I’ve adopted- and who have adopted me- in the past year. Without them all, our COVID-19 experience would have been a whole different story.
