How I survived single parenthood, grief, and autism

Facing the world alone

I am a single mother of two, with a teenage daughter and my little 6-year-old. Even before my son was born, his dad and I separated. As hard as it was, I was determined to do what I had to do. Shortly after my son’s first birthday, my biggest support passed away. My mom. This is where things got hard for me. I had to face the world alone. I was an only child for my mom, and I had no one to lean on. But I had to support my kids.

Recognizing my son was different

My son has always been a very active child. He held his bottle at a month old. He met all his milestones, creeping, walking, and climbing. But he did not talk. At first, I didn’t pay it any mind. Here in Belize, people like to say that boys take longer to talk.

From he was very young, I counted and said the alphabet with him. I even placed a chart on the living room wall. He started to learn it and could identify his numbers and letters. A couple days after his third birthday, my friend Dr. Sherlyn Enriquez Savery came to visit me. She noticed that when number time came on the tv, he went to the chart and pointed to the number they were saying. My friend told me that something is wrong. His brain is clicking, but he will not say it. She advised me to seek help.

Seeking help

Soon afterwards I reached out to NARCIE. They informed me that they only dealt with school-aged kids. My son was 3. Through another contact of mine, I learned that NARCIE had organized workshops with some speech therapists who were visiting Belize. In September, they called and invited me to visit the NARCIE building in Belize City. However, when I got there from PG, there had been some miscommunication, and the speech therapists weren’t there. A person who worked knew me, took some time to observe my son. I was told that my son’s behavior “looked like autism” and to check back in January.

Within that time, I downloaded a number of apps from the play store like tracing numbers and alphabets and letter sounds. At the same time, my friend Sherlene was helping me find a speech therapist, but it was fruitless. One day while browsing on Facebook, I found Belize Speech-Language and Hearing and contacted Miss Amini Guerra. So my journey truly began. I live in PG, and her office was in Benque. I would leave home on the 4AM express bus, get to Belmopan around 8AM, and get on another bus heading to Benque. I would get there around 9AM, do my session and get back on a 10:30AM bus to Belmopan. There I would wait on the 1:30PM express bus to get back home by 5:30PM, just in time to do my little business in the evening.

Our first taste of school

It started off well, but my finances caught up with me. I went from having sessions every 2 weeks, to once a month, to none at all. Thankfully, Miss Guerra understood my situation and worked with me. Javan was now 4 and going to preschool. I had accepted that my child was different and was willing to enroll him under the special-ed unit, but the principal told me for the preschool level, children with special needs can attend any school. So I enrolled him in regular school.

We had ups and down at school. Despite Javan’s disability, he was ahead of the children in identifying his letters and numbers since I had taught him from very young. One of his teachers told me he made the number eleven one day by turning the equal sign for the plastic numbers upside down. It was a proud moment for me.

Keep pushing for what is best

I tried my best to advocate for my son so that he would be treated like every other child. I even became a part of the preschool PTA. One day, I stopped by during class time and saw the teacher teaching the other children while my son sat on the floor by himself. I was devastated. I asked myself what was the purpose of sending my child to school if he was not getting the attention he needed? I spoke with the several teachers about our situation, but got nowhere. When I mentioned that I should just enroll him under the special-ed program at the Methodist school, a teacher said that was the best thing I could do. It was another heartbreaking time for me. I wished my mom was there with me.

I needed help. But all help isn’t equal. I recall one teacher trying to “help” my son to write (writing is one of his weaknesses). He writes with two hands and she was forcing him to write with his right hand. I explained to her about his underdeveloped fine motor skills. This was yet another thing I had to take on on my own. The following day, I got chalkboard at home and wrote his name on the board. He recognized the J and continued from there to write the alphabet.

Two steps forward

I look back at all those dark times and I am amazed at all the work we put in. I also knew that for my child to move on and for me to understand him, I needed him to get an evaluation. I found out the full evaluation cost but was hesitant to go to the city as the pandemic was just starting. My aunts from both sides of my family encouraged me to get it done.

It was a Friday morning when I heard Miss Christy talking about autism on Love FM. I only caught half of it, so I visited Love’s Facebook page and listened to the repeat. As soon as it finished, I gave her a call. She listened to my story and I told her I wanted to get an evaluation done for my son. I told her the price, and she recommended someone else. I worked and saved the money I needed. For weeks, I even had to eat tortilla and beans for a while to come up with the money.

One step back

I made the appointment for my son and informed his dad what I was doing. I did it because he asked for his time with my kids, but whenever they would return, my daughter would tell me he beat my son because he embarrassed him. He felt our son was the way he was because of me. He just did not understand and refused to go. I was disappointed, but I got the strength to deal with it along with my daughter. I learned to pay attention to my son and to reinforce the things he knew.

Finding my tribe

Since then, I have met a number of people and programs who have become a great support to me and my son. Miss Khea Ireland from the Inspiration Center assisted me to get on the list for therapy. We signed up for speech and occupational therapy. I also found Project Speech Belize on Facebook, where I applied and got speech therapy. I sit in on almost all of the Autism Belize training sessions, even if I don’t need them.

I combine all of the knowledge I gain and create my own flashcards and study sheets, putting everything in a binder folder. I continue to write new words we learn on our chalkboard. At times, we go to the library where Elzean Labriel always welcomes Javan, even with the noises he makes. I am grateful to Miss Patricia Dixon Sebastion, who always invites me when Therapy Abroad is here. One big supporter of mine is my dad, who is always interested in what “the bwai di do.”

Tips I’ve learned along the way

Remember to imitate good things for our children because they imitate what we do, just like they do in therapy. Project Speech taught me I don’t have to buy all the material, but I can recycle the things we have in our home. I want to thank Miss Marisela for encouraging me to write to my family and friends who were all there to listen and support me. I am doing all of this for my son so when God calls me home, he can take care of himself.