Four years ago today, October 9th, I ran the Chicago Marathon in 3:41:12. It was the second time I’d run a full marathon (26.2 miles/42km). There was blood, blisters, cramping and tears. I sweated salt because my body didn’t have enough water. I had trained for 12 weeks, including 4- 20 mile runs. I hated it. I loved it. Above all, though, it kept me sane.
Last week, I spoke at St. John’s College, Junior College about my personal journey and I spoke about having some dark times and battling with depression and isolation as Mateo grew up in age, but not necessarily developmentally. What I didn’t have time to really go into was my running and how it helped me. Since we are celebrating Mental Health Awareness Day on October 10th and since it is the anniversary of my fastest marathon yet, I thought this was the perfect time to talk about it and about finding something for YOU.
See, I’ve honestly never been much of an athlete. I never learned to dribble a ball. I didn’t play team sports. Besides swimming, I was very much a nerd. I always had my head in a book. But in 2013, I got roped into running a Divas Half Marathon (13.1 miles/ 21km) with a group of girls for charity. It was supposed to be a fun run, but because I was worried about embarrassing myself and dying, I started training. I quickly discovered something.
New Discovery…
Getting up at 4 am to go run, might seem a little insane, okay A LOT insane, but it actually helped me. When you’re running distance, you become so focused on trying to go one more mile. You get to enjoy your surroundings – watch the sun rise, feel the slight breeze, enjoy the streets without the congestion and noise. You hit a rhythm and lose yourself in your own pace. Or if you listen to music like I do, you really do lose yourself in the music (yes Eminem really did get it right). You focus on breathing. The one thing you really don’t have too much time for is to think.
I didn’t worry about what the day would bring or about the next meeting I had with Mateo’s therapist. I didn’t worry about his diet or his new obsession. I forgot to think about all our struggles. I would just run. And as hard as running can be, I enjoyed that time to myself.
New Family…
Moreover, while running is very much a solitary sport, the running community is even tighter than family. We would smile as we pass each other. We would talk about the latest running gear and which shoes work. Runners truly encourage each other. After a run, talking to my running family – just for 5 or 10 minutes as we cooled down, made me feel less alone.
So much of the time, I would feel like such a failure as a mom. Not knowing how best to help Mateo would eat at me. So many days I felt like a failure as a mom. But finishing a long run at a set pace and crossing a finish line – well that made me feel like Wonder Woman. It was something I needed to do to feel positive about myself.
I know at times, people might have thought that I was selfish for my fixation on running. And it was kind of a fixation- a drug. There were so many days I NEEDED to run. I would adjust my schedule; miss an event just to fit my run in. Running, for me, was like that airplane analogy. You know the one when they say put the mask on your face first and then help your child with his? I needed running for my mental health – to be able to continue to have the energy- both physical and mental to help Mateo. I needed that time; those endorphins.
“Self care is not Selfish.”
~Martine King
So I guess my little advice to special needs parents out there is to find what you NEED to get through your day and face your challenges. Seriously. Make the time to do it. Don’t let others make you feel guilty for being away from your child or focusing on something else for a little while. It might be yoga, or a girls trip every now and then. It might be reading a book, watching trashy tv, long bubble baths with the door locked to keep the kiddos out- whatever it is, please, please, please do try and make time for you so that you can be mentally healthy.
Special Needs Parents experience extremely high levels of stress so we do need to be especially careful. And since this is Mental Health Awareness Month, please don’t forget to support the Mental Health Association and the Welcome Resource Center. They are trying to do amazing things to help the homeless and others who are struggling. This Saturday, October 10th, they will be hosting a telethon to try to raise money to keep their programs running. It will be streamed live on the Welcome Resource Center Facebook page and will also be aired on local media. Please, if you can, buy a t-shirt and/or make a pledge. Even the strongest of persons can be affected during our lifetimes.
