So, when did I become the Grinch?? While it’s a role I play to the ‘T’ – I’m talking Academy Awards here people, I don’t think I’ve always been a Grinch. You see, Christmas and Autism isn’t really an easy time.
Early Years
It all started when Teo was young. I was excited to get my house all decorated. I would take Mateo for drives around the neighborhood to look at the lights and all the crazy blow-up Santas and Reindeer. I’d blast Christmas music. Even with all that, Mateo had no reaction. None of it got him excited.
Even though he showed no interest in toys, I spent hours doing research trying to figure out what the BEST gifts were to get him. All I really hoped for was to see the wonder and excitement in his eyes on Christmas morning. But yeah, I got nothing.
Adjusting
I didn’t give up, though. I started taking him into toy stores and let him run wild to see IF he would react to something. He didn’t react to wrapped presents at all. So I stopped wrapping gifts. I would assemble everything for Christmas morning so he would see the real deal and not just a box with a picture. I tried putting Christmas videos of his favorite shows on his iPad. I kept trying.
We started to get a little smile. Nothing like the wonder, excitement, and joy that I dreamed about seeing on my boy’s face, though.
The Motions
I’m not sure when I started to just go through the motions, but I know I did. I’d still put up the tree. I’d still play the music and take him for rides to see the lights. It was more about routine, though. Because it just didn’t seem like I was doing it for my kid – not if I barely got a reaction out of him.
I read him the story of Jesus’s birth. I played Amal and the Night Visitors opera (which he hated as much as I did when my mom would play it for us as kids). I read to him, TWas the Night Before Christmas. How much of all of it he understood? Who knows.
Little Changes
Suddenly though, one year not too long ago, he grabbed a gift from under the tree and ripped it open and then he dug through some others. None of the gifts were his, to be clear, BUT he ripped a gift open! He was curious, I guess. I got really excited about that. LOL. I had to rewrap some presents, but I thought that was a good sign. So that year I left a couple gifts for him wrapped and with some encouragement, on Christmas morning, he ripped them open. (Still didn’t care what was in the box, but progress, right?).
More Progress..
I also noticed, he does seem to like the lights from the tree. He constantly steals the tree skirt and tries to use it like a blanket. He also rolls around way too close to the tree for my poor heart. For me, though, this is interest.
Finally, now, his favorite song is Shake Santa Shake sung by Zendaya (don’t know how he found it on You Tube) but he listens to that on repeat.
And Now???
Well, I STILL have no clue what to get him- other than clothes and shoes because the dude won’t stop growing. I have never gotten to see that excitement and wonder in his eyes that other parents see in their young kids’ eyes leading up to and on Christmas Day. BUT, I truly think he does kinda get a bit about the season and who knows what will happen this year or the next.
I’ll just have to keep on trying and maybe one day we truly see him get into the Christmas spirit and my Grinchy heart will probably grow 10 times its size too.