According to most descriptions, autistic children MAY have difficulty recognizing emotions and intentions in others and recognizing one’s own emotions. They may also have difficulty expressing emotions and seeking emotional comfort in others. Over the past few weeks, I’ve really had to look back on Teo’s evolvement and growth in this area.
Teo the Toddler
Mateo has always been generally a happy kid. It was clear that he had problems managing emotions though, as he could go from extremely happy to upset in the blink of an eye. Knowing some autistics have difficulty with emotions, I always wondered how much he understood.
He would cry when a baby cries, but I still believe that was mostly due to the pitch of the cry that would upset Mateo’s sensitive ears. I could clearly see joy and excitement on his face when his favorite Wiggles song was on. I still clearly remember the awe and excitement on his face when we took him swimming with dolphins. I actually still clearly remember the absolute pain when his heart broke and he had to leave the dolphins. I don’t know if to this day, I have ever seen him so sad as when he had to leave the dolphins.
So, yes, he definitely expressed his emotions, but did he understand it in others? Well, I can remember one of the times I was struggling with his diagnosis and him staring at me while I cried. He touched my tears and looked at me puzzled. It was like he was trying to figure out what was going on. Similarly, one of the times that I had fallen and was bleeding (yes, I’m accident-prone, but also chasing around Teo means lots of scrapes and bruises too), he poked at my cuts and was curious. But did he get that mom was feeling pain? I honestly wasn’t sure.
Teo the Little Boy
In an effort to work on him recognizing emotions, we actually included it as part of his Education Plan. We had cue cards with happy, sad, angry faces that we tried to get him to identify. We explained emotions in so many ways. “Teo, look! Mommy is so happy that you put your clothes in the hamper!” We even got his classmates to help. They would use circle time to help teach Teo.
At this time, he never verbalized or used his iPad to express emotions, so I still didn’t know how much he was getting. But, we kept trying. I can say that I thought he was recognizing emotions more. Before, we could be mad or upset with something he had done and he appeared to not care. Slowly, though, you could tell that he was starting to recognize mommy’s angry face.
Teo the Teen
It’s amazing to look back at how much he has grown and evolved in this area. His special education teacher was having a rough day and that day, Teo snuggled up to her and stuck by her side- his version of giving emotional support. She still doesn’t know how he knew, but he did, and he showed he cared in one of the ways he could.
Two weeks ago when Teo broke the glass picture window downstairs, I was livid. He was fine- no blood, but I swear my pressure sky-rocketed the minute I saw what he had done. I was beyond upset. I didn’t scream. I didn’t scold him. I walked up to him and I gave him my slippers to put on (Holy crap, his feet are a LOT larger than mine!). I simply told him, “Go to your room.” He knew he had done wrong. He knew mommy was mad. He hung his head and immediately went to his room. He stayed there too.
Real Progress
This week, Teo got to spend time with his Dad. He had not seen his dad for 2 years. When he first saw him, the joy on his face was clear. He was obviously excited and basically spent most of this week bouncing around. Once when we took him to get ready to go out with his Dad and he came outside and didn’t immediately see him, Teo panicked.
One night after his Dad left, I found Teo silently crying in his room. Then, yesterday, when we took his dad to the airport, he went from anxious to sad to angry. I asked Teo when we left the airport,“Are you ok”? He used his iPad to say, “I feel sad.” It broke my heart.
Last night at 12:40 when Mateo still wouldn’t sleep, all I could think about was how difficult this coming week would be before us. Teo would be dealing (or trying to anyway) with lots of emotions. Moreover, we would have to get him back into a routine after a week of all the fun with Dad. I still had to smile, though. Mateo might be sad now, but now, he can tell me. That’s so amazing. He can tell when others are happy or sad. He knows how to comfort mommy and his loved ones if they aren’t feeling well.
Baby steps will still get us there
This is something most take for granted, but for us, it’s huge. We still have problems managing emotions – it’s not all perfect. It’s been work and patience and sometimes for me, despair, trying to figure out how my son is feeling and what’s going on with him.But, it’s paid off!
Who knows, maybe soon, I’ll be able to celebrate with him telling me his stomach hurts or he has a headache! (Yes, I know that sounds weird, but I’m hoping by now you get what I mean.) Baby steps…