Please note that this is the second part in a three part series. If you missed the first blog, I recommend you read it first. https://autismbelize.org/2020/12/11/autism-christmas-carol-part-1/
Christmas Through Your Eyes
For years, I tried to engage Teo in Christmas activities. I wanted to see the excitement on his face. My Christmas tree got larger and larger. We would use magazines to cut out pictures of Mateo’s visual Christmas letter to Santa. I bought baby books that I would read out loud about the birth of Jesus. I just wanted to see/feel that Christmas Spirit in him. What I got was something different.
2017
In 2017, we were back in Canada again for Christmas, once again crashing with Mateo’s Godparents. This time, though, they had two kids, Roman and Bella and we were there for a while (months). Mateo still ignored the gifts and trees and didn’t have much excitement for Christmas. He did get something better though. He got Roman and Bella.
Roman and Bella treated him like a brother. Bella followed him around all day, every day. She always wanted to hold his hand. They’d eat pizza together and Mateo would pick off the black olives that Bella would eat. Roman would put on his old Disney Mickey Mouse Clubhouse DVDs (that he’s long since outgrown) for Teo to watch and let him crash in his car bed. Roman, like any typical brother, would get mad at Teo for breaking up his marble run and go storm off to his room for some peace and quiet.
I so don’t mind ‘typical’ from time to time…
To you all reading this who have multiple kids or who are around siblings might say this sounds like ‘typical’ behavior. And it was. It just wasn’t typical for Teo. It wasn’t typical for him to have kids who just accepted him as is. They didn’t stare. Their parents didn’t have to force them to play with him. They just loved Teo unconditionally.
“Happiness and Joy are not the same thing.” ~Father Jeremy
In 2018, Teo and I came home to Belize for Christmas. It was my first Christmas in Belize since before Mateo was born. That Christmas his cousins were the ones that tried to get him to open presents and play games. They laughed and joked and included Teo. Like with Roman and Bella, they genuinely wanted to spend time with him. That Christmas and the next one spent here with them was filled with so much laughter. They had movie nights and crazy monopoly games that Mateo messed up. There were tons of butter cookies from Aunty Judy and fresh bread from Tia Sher. Mateo was in heaven.
This past Sunday, Father Jeremy said, “Happiness and Joy are not the same thing.” He said that happiness comes and goes. And that’s so true. At those snapshot moments when Teo is surrounded by the kids, he’s the happiest one of all. But Joy, real joy, is different.
“Joy is the experience of knowing you are unconditionally loved” ~Henri Nouwen
It took me looking back at our most recent Christmases to realize that yes, Mateo’s not going to enjoy the wrappings that come with Christmas. I honestly don’t know if he does or ever will understand the meaning behind Christmas. What he has gotten in our most recent Christmases, though, is true Joy. He KNOWS these kids – his cousins and Roman and Bella love him unconditionally. I see that on his face. And for a kid like Teo, who’s had only a few real friends growing up, that’s priceless.
Autism Christmas Present
So for now, knowing my son is loved for who he is – quirks and stims and stinky farts and all- by others kids (even if it’s family), well that gives me something to be happy about. This Christmas I can celebrate the birth of our Savior and also, feel a bit of peace, happiness, and goodwill knowing that my baby too is loved and welcomed in his little world.
Is that enough, though, to get rid of the Grinch in me? Well, stay tuned for next week’s A Parent’s Perspective to find out about our Autism Christmas Carol Part III, Autism Christmas Future…