“I don’t know how you do it.”
“You’re a Super Mom!”
If you’re a special needs parent, I’m about 90 percent positive you’ve gotten one of these comments in the past.
These statements mean well, but to be honest, many days they make me feel like a fraud. Because, yeah, I’m NO super mom. I struggle. I’ve been losing my temper- A LOT. I’m not sleeping well. I’m tired. I want time away. Actually, since COVID-19 I’ve been dreaming non-stop about running away alone and locking myself in a hotel room for a week – no phone, no internet, no one, but me, room service, and my kindle.
What’s worse is I KNOW that Teo is ultra sensitive to my emotions – so if I’m anxious and cranky, he is too. My behaviors and feelings affect him just as much as his affect me. I KNOW this. But at times it’s just hard to keep it under control. It’s hard only getting an hour or two a week by myself.
Not Alone…
I know I’m not alone in these feelings either. This week, I sent out approximately 50 Certificates of Participation for our Parent and Teacher Training on Individualized Education Plans (IEPs). Many responded with Thank Yous and expressed excitement about our upcoming training on Functional Communication Behaviors. One special needs mom, though, sent a special message that hit home.
She wrote and told me how receiving her certificate made her so happy. She explained how her mom had passed away. She had no siblings and while she talks to her dad sometimes, for the most part, she is all alone. She does all she can for her exceptional little boy, but she has no support. She feels alone and some days it’s a real struggle.
We struggle every day. We have so much to learn. We analyze every behavior and many times have to watch our kiddos like they’re bombs that any wrong move might make them explode. We are tired. (I can’t remember the last time I felt well-rested) And the circle of people who truly TRY to understand our lives and help us, well for most of us, it’s small.
The stresses of COVID-19 have made things harder too. Our children are out of routine. Now we have even less support and it’s rare to have a break. Financial anxiety is up for everyone too. This weekend, an autism mom posted on Facebook asking how many iPads do you think her son has been through. (Spoiler Alert – he had just killed his third). I immediately responded that Mateo has just killed his THIRD For The YEAR too! Then, a different autism mom replied saying the same thing. Her son was on iPad number 4 for the year. In less than 15 minutes of the post, we all realized we weren’t alone. I was still freaking out about how I’m going to replace another one – since for Mateo an iPad isn’t a luxury, but a necessity- but at least I knew I wasn’t alone.
So yes, I’m struggling and I know a lot of other autism parents who are struggling too. We really aren’t super strong, super heroes – we just don’t have a choice but to try to do our best.
Therefore, for all you special needs moms and dads who need support, our monthly support group meeting will be held ONLINE this Saturday, August 29th at 6:00PM. We are trying out Google Meet for the first time, so you will need a gmail account. All Parents and Caregivers are invited to attend. You can click here to join us.
Finally, on Wednesday, September 30th, we have a special Parent’s Training Titled: Special Needs Parents & Depression: What It Looks Like and How To Cope. Martine King, Mental Health Therapist and Emotional Intelligence Practitioner, will be our presenter that evening. Hopefully, this is something we can all make time for.
Until then, take care, stay strong, and please reach out if you’re struggling.