“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”
~Angela Y Davis
Autism is a life-long neurodevelopmental disorder. That’s a fact. You’ll see things online – these amazing stories about kids who rode a horse or did some new treatment and were miraculously better. Yeah. No. It’s life-long. Therapy, or finding that one thing that helps grab your child’s interest, might help him or her. It might get your child talking or help him or her with certain behaviors. There is no cure or fix, though. The child with autism will grow into an adult on the spectrum. He or she might be able to manage behaviors and issues, but will always be on the spectrum.
Cannot Change…
Mateo will always be autistic. It wasn’t easy getting to this point, (you can read more about that here) but I have accepted that. Now that doesn’t mean that I stop working with him to help manage behaviors, give him communication options, and help him navigate the world. The more help he can get; the better chance he has as he gets older. Some children on the spectrum, who received support, therapy and proper educational assistance, can now navigate in society without too many issues or even without others even recognizing he or she is on the spectrum. So yes, I cannot change that Mateo is on the spectrum, but I can keep pushing to help him grow.
Determined to Change…
What I AM determined to change is how others see and interact with my child. If Mateo has to work 100 times as hard to try to assimilate into society, then I honestly don’t think it’s asking too much for others to learn more about him; for everyone to learn about those living on the autism spectrum and those living with different special needs too!
Asking Too Much?
As of May 2020, the CDC states that 1child in every 54 has been identified as on the autism spectrum. The numbers keep increasing every year. So honestly, am I asking that much for people to learn more about others who are different from them? It’s why I write this blog. It’s why I will stop in public and willingly answer questions about my son. This is why I started Autism Belize in the first place. I honestly feel that public awareness and even more importantly, public acceptance, is something I CAN change.
Some Tips…
So for starters, if you’d like to learn and be truly accepting of those with special needs, here are some quick ideas off the top of my head:
- Don’t ignore. It’s never polite to ignore a blind person or ignore the fact that someone is in a wheelchair. Similarly too, don’t ignore my son. Yes, he is non-verbal. Yes, he might not make eye contact and might seem to be ignoring you. BUT, he understands and while it takes him a while to adjust to others, he feels deeply. Ignoring the fact that he’s right there- well, to be blunt, it comes across as rude.
- Take the time to learn. Not every parent will be as open as I am talking about autism, so don’t depend on a tired and stressed out mom or dad to teach you. Just like how you spend time watching the news or scrolling through Facebook or watching Tik Tok videos, you can take a few minutes to read a blog online, watch a short YouTube video, or just google autism. Yes, it’s complicated. Hell, I’m still learning. Still, it doesn’t hurt for you to spend a few minutes here or there educating yourself about special needs- even if it doesn’t directly affect you, at this moment.
- Try not to stare and judge. While a person on the autism spectrum doesn’t look different, his or her behaviors might very well be. He or she might flap or spin. He or she might make weird noises at inopportune times. Some don’t quite get social cues and norms. Because of sensory issues, some might have meltdowns. (Meltdowns look like tantrums to a layperson, but trust me there are significant differences). Whatever it is, please accept that you don’t quite know why he or she is behaving this way. Moreover, know that staring and judging doesn’t help at all.
- Help. For now, if you do see a Mom or Dad struggling, or if you see someone on the spectrum or with special needs having a hard time, you can always offer to help. Don’t just jump right in, though. Some on the spectrum are very sensitive. Some parents have a set way of handling their kids and managing a situation. Therefore, while we do want and maybe need help, it’s always best to ask first.
Finally, to all who are taking the time to learn, read this blog, and/or interact with others who are different and offering a helping hand- Thank you. On behalf of all the special needs moms and dads, we really appreciate your helping us to change the things we cannot accept.