It’s a Long Weekend- Sweets!
I know for most Belizeans, we are excited about the prospect of a long weekend, especially since the restrictions have eased up a bit with Belize being COVID-19 free. Some of us are planning to go to the Caye or on a road trip. Hotels across the country are offering all sorts of Belizean special rates. And if you don’t have the funds for that, I’m sure a trip to the river or park or hanging out with friends or SOMETHING is planned after being cooped up for so long.
Autism-Proof Homes…
For many of us with children on the autism spectrum or with special needs, outings are not all that easy at all. Going out – to the grocery store, or a day trip, or even just to a friend or family’s home- involves a certain amount of planning and stress for both our kiddos and for the parents too.
We worry about the change in schedule and how our children will adapt to a different location. Many of us have tried to ‘autism-proof’ our homes as much as possible. We have special locks or alarms on our doors. Fragile glass items are nowhere to be found. Our furniture has already been jumped on and flipped over. Our glass doors have sticky fingerprints on them- even if we clean them every single day. Candy, medicines, and other ‘attractive’ and/or ‘dangerous’ food items have been hidden away beyond reach. Our kids know where the bathrooms are and know where to go and what to do when they are hungry or tired or need quiet time. We might have visual schedules and other communication pictures around the house.
Lots to Worry About…
On the other hand, when we take our kiddos to our friends’ or to a family member’s home, it can feel like we are walking into a minefield. We worry if they will break something or dirty something. Will our children go to the potty as they do at home or will they hold it until there’s an accident? What if they won’t eat what they have? And in my case specifically, if they live close to the water- is it safe WHEN he jumps in (because it’s most likely a when and not an if).
Even if they are comfortable in this home, what mood will our child/teen/young adult be in? Will he or she be able to handle the crowd? What if there’s loud music? And if he or she didn’t sleep well the night before? We won’t want to take an overly tired and cranky child out in public. Honestly, this is just the first few worries that popped in my head as I typed. I know for parents with their special needs kiddos, they can probably think of a lot more depending on their child’s level and sensitivities.
Oh! “What about a quick trip somewhere like to the caye or a river or a park or hey- even a Mayan Ruin,” you wonder? Well, then we worry about boundaries. Will he or she run off? We will have to CONSTANTLY be watching to make sure he or she doesn’t head down a hill or climb on something just to jump off. Again, we have to worry about crowds, noise levels, food options and how people will react if he has a meltdown. What kind of looks will we get if our kiddo strips naked or pees in public? If we go on a boat with friends and our child is ready and begging to come home by 2PM and everyone wants to stay until 5PM, what then?
Quick Aside…
Now I know many of you parents of neurotypical children are thinking, well, we worry about that too. I know you do. However, most of your children follow instructions and rules more easily (some of the time at least). They might still accidentally bump into something and break it. The chances of a hyperactive child who lives in his own world breaking something is a lot higher, though. The chances of them running off and not recognizing dangers are higher as well.
We do need it though…
As much fun as it would be to get out of the house – as much as we NEED to get out of the house – all these concerns, added to the fact that we might have to pack extra food and clothes and medications and favorite toys, might keep us in. We will think it will honestly be less stress to just stay at home.
Then, if we, as special needs families, continuously, stay at home, friends and family might stop inviting us to events, trips and/or parties. This, to be blunt, also hurts like hell. Even if it is something our constant, “no, I can’t make it” has caused.
So, since this week was all about #ThereIsNoHealthWithoutMentalHealth, I have a request for you all.
To Friends, Families, Co-Workers, Acquaintances of a family with a child/teen/young adult with special needs:
Invite them to whatever you are planning this weekend. If it’s a group event, invite them. If you are going to the river or caye, invite them. If it’s just a drink at the Highway Store, invite them. Even if you are 90 percent positive they won’t come, invite them anyway.
Also when you do reach out, ask if there’s something you can do to help make it easier for them to come. Maybe if you tell them you can make grilled cheese sandwiches that you know their child loves, for example. Or maybe you can promise to not have the music too loud. Or ask if their child/teen/young adult has any sensitivities or triggers that you can avoid. Just a simple offer like this can go a long way to ease fears and concerns from the special needs parent.
Finally, if they say no, please keep inviting them to other events. Don’t give up. So many special needs families already feel so alone- whether real or perceived. Please, keep trying.
To Special Needs Families:
GO! Yes, I KNOW it is easier to stay at home. I know you’ll probably be tired afterwards or that it might involve more work for you. Still, please GO. For your mental health, go. To give your child/teen/young adult some exposure and a chance to socialize, GO.
Just Might Be Worth It…
Your child/teen/young adult might just surprise you. This year Mateo has surprised me many times- I mean in a good way, this time. He’s gone to my uncle’s home and stayed much longer than I expected. He might have slightly destroyed their very beautiful and intricate Christmas village and might have spilled wine on his Great Aunt, but they understood. Mateo had fun. I’ve honestly discovered Mateo really does like being social- even if he can’t handle it for too long. Maybe if you do go to a trip to the river, you might discover something new about your kiddo too. Take a chance! Go.
Por favor, let’s all try that this long weekend. Let’s promise to make a sincere effort to go out and have a little fun. Our friends and family will promise to be more aware and understanding and helpful to us too.