God yes! COVID-19 is freaking scary. Everyone is worried about what the future will look like; can Belize’s Healthcare system handle a full outbreak; what happens with my children if I get sick; are our kids going back to school; what about my job; Belize’s economy; will imports for groceries, etc still come in; when will flights return? The worry is endless for us all here in Belize- as for the rest of the world. This is seriously stressful times.
I’m not sure if I’m handling it well, but I really am trying. I’m not binge-watching Netflix or reading book after book- which is usually my norm for coping with stress. I AM trying to stay busy. With it being Autism Awareness and Acceptance month, I’m really trying to get Autism Belize active, even in the midst of this craziness. I’ve started this blog and I am working on the Autism Belize Speaker Series. Besides, well, I have Teo.
Oh Teo my Teo!
Teo, my not-so-little Teo, is my measuring stick about how we are both coping. If he is coping, then usually I am too. Whenever we have any change to schedule/his life and routine, it first affects his sleep. After that, I might get pinching, or more hyperactivity, lots of cycling (an almost obsessive circle of things he keeps doing over and over again). Another glaring flag is the stimming…
“The term “stimming” is short for self-stimulatory behavior and is sometimes also called “stereotypic” behavior. In a person with autism, stimming usually refers to specific behaviors that include hand-flapping, rocking, spinning, or repetition of words and phrases.”
Lisa Jo Rudy
Stimming is such a misnomer because, for the most part, people stim to self-regulate or self-calm, not necessarily to stimulate. Mostly, people stim when they are excited, fearful, overwhelmed, anxious or stressed. Normally, it’s not constant or harmful and mostly it is more embarrassing to the parents because of the weird looks they get. However, in extreme cases, like with head banging or if it’s happening so much the person can’t function- then it becomes a much bigger area of concern.
So with COVID-19, no school, not being able to go for car rides – something that Mateo LOVES – not being able to just be around people, all this has added to Mateo’s stress and anxiety levels and for the first time EVER – his stimming has become uncontrollable and consistent. So much so, he is having a hard time falling asleep because his hands keep flapping. He can’t eat, because he can’t stop his hands from flapping. He can’t even stay asleep- because in his sleep, his hands are flapping. Yes, it truly is that bad.
It becomes a vicious cycle too. Because the more overtired he gets from lack of sleep, the more he stims. Honestly over the years, I’ve gotten used to his occassional hand flapping and it really only bothers me when I’m trying to get him to focus on doing a task and it interferes. These days, though, it has me so worried that even when Mateo does actually sleep, I can’t. I see the frustration on his face as he stims and can’t stop. Think about if you put on a pair of dancing shoes and then you can no longer control your feet. They just keep dancing and dancing and dancing. I feel like that must be his frustration right now.
As his stims got worse, I no longer put on the TV. No news or press conference is on AT ALL. I don’t want him to hear anything about COVID other than what I tell him. I’ve tried to keep a semblance of a daily routine going. He’s getting his regular swims and water time that he loves so much. I’m trying to get him to burn as much energy during the day as I can. I really am trying. I even went to see Dr. Sosa, the neurologist here in Belize, and now I’m trying a new medication. Sigh.
The stims have gotten a little better. He is sleeping- a little better. Instead of waking up at 1:30AM and staying awake until like 10:00AM, the past couple nights he’s slept through until about 3:30-4:00AM. So, yes, this is improvement. There are still times in the day when I can see his face and feel his pain- frustration, anxiety, whatever you want to call it. I just want to fix it.
As moms, don’t we all want to fix what hurts our babies- no matter their age?
And honestly, until this improves even more, I can’t say that Mateo and I are handling COVID-19 and being shut in very well- not very well at all.
How are you all coping? What new behaviors or issues are you seeing in your children? I pray it is going OK for you all. Stay Safe Belize. Stay At Home.